17 February 2010

The (Second) Happiest Place in the Country

Holland, MI was recently named the 2nd "Happiest Place in the Country". Technically, they included Grand Haven, but who am I to ignore a golden opportunity like this? I'm not going to get into the methodologies of the survey, the definition of "happy", or the value of this survey. As a former resident, I feel, however, that it's my obligation to tell you (yeah, you) it's unlikely you'll be happy in Holland. (Full disclosure, I technically grew up in the confines of Zeeland, MI, not Holland itself. However, I spent much of my youth in Holland as it was, believe it or not, "town" for Zeeland kids).

I had started a long, whiny rant, but I'll just recycle/re-purpose a comment I made somewhere else here as a commentary.

Holland has a special flavor of suck. It's comprised predominately of middle-aged Internet noobs who think a "funny" username (e.g. HesAKenyanLOL) is cover for any racist, homophobic, fundamentalist bullshit they care to peck out with their ham-sized fingers into the comments section of a news article (see MLive, GR). They'll invoke Ronald Reagan, the Bible, or Jesus H. Christ himself as they attempt to justify not helping someone because a single representative of that lower caste committed a crime, isn't Christian, or is a Commie. It's the land of not just the blatant double standard, but the land of reveling in your own hypocrisy. The area is a breeding ground of Palin-esque ignorance, the variety that smirks at its own stupidity, daring you to stoop to its level.

tldr; Living in Holland is like living inside Idiocracy.